Marriage is a challenge without the havoc of a move thrown into the mix, but somehow many people manage to move every year without getting a divorce. No matter how many times you’ve moved together it can add an unusual amount of tension into paradise, because moving adds stress, chaos and lots of work to our already busy everyday lives.
Moving poses unique challenges to us as individuals and as couples, but it can be a learning and growing process for everyone involved if we are open to the possibility of it being a positive experience. The following general advice is how you can make moving with a spouse less of a painful experience. We make no promises that there won’t be the occasional tiff or tears, but going in with some of this knowledge may help ward off some of the bad feelings.
1. Be Supportive
Sometimes when we move one spouse is thrilled while the other is hesitant to leave. Whether you are cheering or mourning the move, make sure to be understanding of the excitement or hesitation of your spouse.
2. Be Clear About Expectations
Make sure that you both understand how little or how much you expect each other to contribute to the move. Once you agree upon the amount of work stick to this plan. Important note: do not bring up comparisons on contributions to the move in fights.
3. Plan the Move Together
Do you want movers? Storage? Green moving boxes or cardboard? Do you really want your mother-in-laws to come over and help or you’d rather do it yourself? There are lots of logistics that need to be planned, and it is better if you do this part together. Spend time discussing exactly how you want to approach different aspects of the move, so that no one feels like they are left out of the planning process.
I know couples get sick of hearing they need to communicate, but I’ll set it again anyways, take time to communicate about the move. This suggestion sums up the first three, so when in doubt spend time talking about all different aspects of the move.
During a move we can end up not having very much free time, but couples can actually spend “quality” time while working on a move. Spend an afternoon boxing together, painting a room or doing some misc. activity together. This will not only make the work more fun, but it will be a good bonding experience.
6. Take Time for Romance
Even in our everyday busy lives it can be easy to skip over the romance, so during a move this can easily become a huge problem. Schedule time for you as a couple even if it is something simple as ordering pizza and drinking wine while watching your favorite Netflix series.
7. Plan a Romantic Vacation After the Move
Even if you can’t afford to get away, planning something small, even just a day trip, can give you both something to look forward to. Plus, considering the state the house will be in after a move, you may be looking for any reason to escape the rooms filled with unpacked boxes.
8. Discuss Exciting New Plans for Your New Home
To help build excitement and anticipation about the move, it can be a good idea to discuss new plans for your new home and/or community. Talk about new habits, projects or fun things you want to do after moving. Moving gives us a perfect transitional period to start afresh!
9. Be Understanding
Don’t be all that surprised if your partner is stressed and grumpy, some or even a lot of the time. Don’t be surprised if you are grumpy either! Moving sucks. If one or both of you has a mental meltdown, try to be accommodating as possible.
10. Don’t Expect Everything to Run 100% Smoothly
Chances are even if you are the most in-love married couple of all time, moving may cause at least one or two fights. Anticipating the move not to run perfectly will help you deal with these lovers quarrels when they do inevitably pop up.
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